Satiating My Guilt

So Peeps,

I was going through my blog posts to mainly catch if there are any grammar mistakes and looking for the ways I can express better or improve. While doing that, I came across a blog post suggestion based on the tags that I posted myself in my posts – “Mom’s Guilt Trips”. The Suggestion read – “Parent Guilt” and it got my interest.

I know that Guilt is common to most moms and I just wanted to check what other moms are feeling guilty about and clicked on the blog post link. (To see if any other mom is being as passive about her child’s nutrition as me 😉)

Turns out, the link acknowledges that parents, especially moms, feel guilty about many things while parenting and think it is part of the territory. However, reading further it surprised me to know that the post majorly deals with how to overcome this feeling and it is quite refreshing to FINALLY come across such post.

The two hard hitting points that I took up from the post are:

 “I believe that the feeling of guilt is unhelpful and optional, and it affects our lives in a really negative way as it deprives us of our joy.”

“One of the biggest and best gifts we can give our children is for us to show up from a place of joy and love. Don’t let guilt rob your kids of the best version of you!”

And the second sentence above is such an eye opener for me.

Here’s the complete blog for you to check: Parent Guilt

So, instead of concentrating on my guilt trips, continuously thinking on what I feel guilty about and why, daily, I thought of doing something about what I can do differently to be at a happier place for my kid.

(Although, the post suggests that we should NOT feel guilty about anything unless we are doing something morally compromising. That is many levels ahead for me)

For now, as starters, I thought of just ignoring the guilt actively and consciously, by engaging in something fun and entertaining with my kid so as to not feel as bad about doing other things (which are still out of my patience levels) that I do wrong/not quite right.

After some research on how to engage with toddlers in interesting indoor activities without having to exert lot of energy and getting frustrated (you see I REALLY need to work a lot on my patience levels), finalized handful of activities that I can try with my kid.

Turns out, all I needed was some paints, brush and some drawing sheets. This activity can engage my kid for at least 1 ½ hours in one go – the time during which I could get some small house chores done, feeding the kid done and still have proper time to interact with the kid during the activity.

The activity is “Painting the Walls on the Chart – but not Wall”.

1. Had stuck a bright colored chart on the wall at the height the kid can reach by standing on the ground. (However, my kid wanted to sit and paint.. so, gave him a stool to sit on)
2. Drew a box at one corner of the chart and drew a picture, to which, the kid has to do coloring. Mind you, the color should not come out of the borders of the picture and definitely not outside the chart.

Sticking the Chart on the wall as opposed to leaving it on the ground is a big UP for kids because, it feels like they are painting the walls. This satiates their urge to do their art pieces on the walls. Taking a contrast colored chart to the walls marks the borders brightly.

3. And, finally threw some paints and brush to the kid to paint away.

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Although this 1 ½ hrs is almost the same time that I spend with him daily, engaging with him in a calm and entertaining activity did some good to both the kid and me.

For me: It made me feel good about spending quality time with him without having single shout downs or feeling exhausted/frustrated and in-turn feeling guilty about it. It felt awesome and proud to see my kid painting, maintaining his border promises with the wall and the picture.

For the kid: Good for passing time, teaches him patience (hopefully) – as he tries to paint the color within the borders of the picture and if at all the paint comes outside the border, to giving himself another chance, to be creative and do it right with rest of the picture.

• Tried doing this on a white board (with markers, of course) earlier, but didn’t find kid getting as excited as doing it on the chart stuck on wall.
• I’m now planning to leave one boxed space daily on the chart for him to doodle or to do his art pieces till it is completely filled. This can become his bedroom wall decor 😀

I will post more new activities that I do with my kid, here in this space.

So Mommies, try it out if you haven’t already and leave comments on how it goes. Also suggest other activities you are doing with your kids.

Have Fun.. until next activity!! 😀

 

Mommy’s Guilt Woes – 6 Contd

Husband asks about the blog posts and how they are coming along

Shows him the posts and awaits feedback/comments.

Husband sort of enjoys reading them and almost laughs at the right places.. (Yayy!!)
However.. However.. After reading the final post “Guilt Woes 6”, he voices – “We are Really not taking any extra care with the kid’s food, are we?! The ladies at the apartment meeting, did they really discuss about what food they are giving to their kids?”

*That moment when I realize InnerVoice1 is not my inner saint voice but my Husband’s voice*

Gets pissed at husband for pointing out about the kid’s diet and more for being THE responsible parent between the two.

Takes Guilt shower for not making any effort in the right direction and for not actively planning to make an effort..

I know I am really on the negative scale of the meter.. God, help me!!

Mommy’s Guilt Woes – 6

Goes to House apartment’s Get-together parties. Plans on having some light banter with folks there and mainly awaits dinner time.

*Meanwhile, hands-on mommies have discussion on what food they are giving to their kids and count nutritional fruits/ diets they are trying out with them*

Feels a wee little something heavy inside, but ignores the discussion, drifts and has a hearty meal

IV1: Did you hear what the other mommies are giving to their kids?. Ever think of what you can do better with the kid’s diet?

IV2: Pissed at IV1 for bringing that up, gets doused in fresh shower of guilt – for ignoring the discussion and mainly not feeding the kid anything nutritional consciously.

Mommy’s Guilt Woes – 5

Some days are ‘shower-in-guilt’ bad.. Some days are ‘swim-in-guilt’ bad and today is the second kind.

Got called off (sort of) by kid’s teacher for not spending enough time with the kid. Reason for this being, kid cried in the school asking for his grand-mom and said he wants
just her (InnerVoice2 thinking: not even ME?! This is more of a Pride issue now.)

InnerVoice1: What the teacher said is totally true. I agree with her. You spend lot of time away from your kid
IV2: Well, kid should still like me.
Myself acting on IV2’s idea: Takes kid aside and asks if he really likes grand-mom more.
IV1: *Shame shame shame for even asking such question to your kid instead of actually being with him*
IV2 and Myself: Swim through the shame and guilt the rest of the day.

PS: Kid being diplomatic, answers – he likes us both: grand-mom and me (I get a consolation prize.. Who wants it, hunn!)

Mommy’s Guilt Woes – 4

Picks up phone and checks out latest pictures taken
Gives long and hard assessment on each and every picture of ownself – appreciates the dress or makes pointers for future poses/shots

Swipes left/right other pictures if not own self

Inner Voice says: *shame shame shame, didn’t even give proper glance at kid’s picture*

Has a shower in guilt and come up with really cute adjectives to appreciate kid’s appearance and poses *Still feeling super sad and guilty for doing it AFTER the IV’s accusation!!*

PS: My kid’s really (REALLY, now!!) adorable in all the pics. 😀

Mommy’s Guilt Woes – 3

Huge shout downs with kid for not taking enough food during meals
(Meanwhile own tummy making unignorable noises – I’m hungry always)
Leaves kid and has a hearty meal

(2 inner voices having a lengthy dialogue over this.. )
IV1: *shame shame shame, didn’t persuade kid enough but started your own meal happily*
IV2: He’s had enough.. Anyway, he’s big enough to know if he wants more food or if he’s done
IV1: *Still, you could have at least tried a bit longer*

IV2 and myself: *Have fresh guilt shower*

Mommy’s Guilt Woes – 2

Goes to movies alone during office hours (Kid’s at home with grandparents)..
Goes home late to kid..

*There you go! Huge guilt shower, right there *

Am I super bad for already looking fwd for next movie day out??!

Mommy’s Guilt Woes – 1

Which mother steals and eats her kid’s kinder joy chocolate?! Hmmmm, let me think.. I do!  😐

*shame shame shame* taunts my inner voice.. But the other inner voice says, “this is to protect your kid’s teeth from cavity”.

dunno which voice I should listen to..

My kid’s got cheat day for having chocolates – It’s every Saturday. However, a part of the chocolate he gets is hidden from him always and I get that share when he is not around..
How bad am I on the meter??!

 

PS: Craving for another Kinder Joy while writing about it.. *Face Palm*

Vacation Time: Shopping – Waxing Troubles – Vacation Jitters

Hello People!

First off, I am finally going on a proper vacation after almost 2 ½ yrs. Can I still call it that if I’m going with a naughty toddler?? Will be going out with my husband, my brother and his wife. With my son in tow, we’ll be seeing a lot of Beach and Sea scenes. Super excited about the tour because I’ll be away from the mundane for 5 whole days. And I get a bonus weekday work-off after the vacation.

Anyway, like for any vacation ahead, I have prepared a check list of items that I have to get done. Like – Shopping, shopping, shopping and some more shopping!!

Got almost everything ticked off from the list. Bought some really cute Tees and Shorts for my kid and cool onesies for myself. Luckily, even the universe conspired to give us good stuff and the shopping malls near us gave us this huge exciting sales and deals. I, along with my sisters-in-law have shopped for 6 hours non-stop trying out all the dresses. (It’s a secret: I have bunked my work and went shopping)

Finally, nearly all the shopping done, there was one other important to-do item left out from my check-list

The customary visit you pay to a salon before you go on a vacation!!

So after spending an eternity on shopping for clothes, I decided to skip the fancy stuff from the salon services. Like the luxury facial and massage treatments. Also, like someone said somewhere on the internet, It’s really hard to impress the Salon lady/parlor auntie. They come up with numerous suggestions about how bad your skin is, or how better and bright your eye region can look with the latest mask they introduced, or how dry your hair is and how you can get it all right with their special spa treatments. So, not to get tempted for all those things, I have decided to do the substitute of salon’s face clean up myself at home later. I went with a straight face and directly asked the lady for a waxing service. They still came up with the de-tanning masks and all for my arms and legs. They just don’t accept defeat, now. I gave in and went ahead with that.

The first part was good – The de-tanning. I almost dozed off while waiting for it to get dry or do its job (after a day’s long work at office – not sure I made much progress with the to-do list of my job, though). Then came the hot wax: which by itself wakes you up with too many uffs and aahs to cool off the hot wax drops that get spilled on the way to getting spread. And then…… Zzzzaappp!!

Done. This is it. The pulling out the sticker part. May be I have already died – but somehow still feel the pain?? Possible? Nope.  So, I went back to striking (quite literally) reality and asked the lady to be gentler with the process. But, the hairs that grew up are too stubborn – like me. I know, had I not been lazy and paid the visit to salon last month too, it would have been easier this time. But super lazy me thought – “It’s still fine, I can go there next month before I go to the vacation and deal with the load all at once” and took the brunt. Even after so many years of getting my arms and legs waxed, the pain is still the same. Why god why?! All the ads on the TV show how easy it is to get waxed/shaved without the slightest pain. But they are showing everything done on the already hairless arms and legs!! Or is everyone out there as body-hairless as the models they show on TV? Answer to this is, as I know, Nope. Anyway, I went about doing the ouch s, aahs throughout the session and tried hard to stay put only by picturing myself in that cute LBD that I bought for the trip (B for blue, not black). That did the trick and numbed the pain for me this time.

Is there a life lesson that I’m going to draw from this experience? Like – “However tough the path may seem, imagining yourself successful at whatever you want, makes the path you took much easier to deal with” or, “Never quit. Try again and again till you reach your goal?” Hell, no. Or maybe yes. It’s easy to go all philosophical when you are in pain.

The only good thing that comes out of waxing other than being hairless for less than 20 days is: the free massage they give to rub-in the moisturizer after the wax. Few minutes (or is it seconds?) of solace.

This time, like every time, before leaving the salon, I decided I won’t be lazy but visit the salon more regularly. Lesson learnt once again! Mission ‘salon-visit-before-vacation’ accomplished. Ticked off from the check list.

And finally, leaving my painful past behind, I go about packing all the goodies in my vacation bags. This brings huge jitters to me. Does anyone have vacation jitters like I do (like wedding jitters) before going on a vacation?? Or is it just me?

Or is it maybe because I’m going with my sweetheart kiddo that I’m this nervous?? We did not take him out all by ourselves till now. And, this will be the first 1 week where he’ll be around only 4 people (young adults or are we grown-ups already??) to look after. He is surrounded by too many people at home daily, you know. Both sets of grandparents (not like in Charlie and the chocolate factory, but almost), aunts and uncle.

I hope we have good time and he has great time with us.

I’m saying bye-bye now. Have lots of pending work to complete and packing to do later. Will be sharing my time during vacation once I’m back 😀 Meanwhile, do share your shopping-for-vacation/waxing-for-vacation/vacation experiences in the comments section.

#1 Book Review Alert!

Hey Y’all!

So, like I promised (to myself) I’ll be doing a book reviewing activity to keep me engaged with this blogging and to my writing, I have come up with my first book review for you.

Known as the best-selling book even after 35 years of publishing the first copy, this book has sold over 2 million copies worldwide. I got this cute little ‘board book’ today after having to wait for a month of ordering it (almost forgot I ordered it 😛 )

Did you read ‘board book’ above? You read it right. It’s a cute little board book, alright!! – for “babies and toddlers”. And the book is….

Rod Campbell’s much celebrated “Dear Zoo” lift-the-flap book.

I was super excited reading about its popularity with kids when I was ordering the book for mine. I couldn’t imagine how any book can keep a kid, as young to be called ‘baby’ or ‘toddler’, engaged while getting him to experience the feel of what the story has to offer.

To be honest, I was a tad bit disappointed with the size of the package when I went to take the delivery from the courier service. I was somehow imagining a bigger book to be delivered. But all disappointment turned to excitement in a jiffy when I opened the book.

Lesson Learnt: “Small does not necessarily mean less”.

This book proved once again that all good things come in small packages and I can go on and on about the goodness of this small package. Jumping there right away!

I purchased this book for my kid in the hope that he too will fall in love with book reading as much as I did. To do a mandatory check of the book before I introduce it to him and more so to check the lift-the-flap feature of the book, I opened it. You see, as a child I never read any lift-the-flap book and haven’t seen anyone till this one.

I was blown away by the simplicity of the book. It looks fresh. It is tough too! (because it’s a board book). It has simple repetitive sentences to keep the child connected to the context and story. Kids love predictability. You know how it goes – making the same silly noise again and again, repeating the same goofy facial expressions over and over and they go laughing like crazy (my one does that and goes really red and bright 😀 )

Now coming to the story, it is too simple and cool to even think. A kid writes a letter to the zoo requesting for a pet. They send him a pack of animals from the zoo in various containers one by one and they in-turn get sent back by the kid as they don’t tick his criteria of a pet for one reason or the other.

*why don’t I come up with such simple stories?! why do I tend to create complex and boring plots??! middle of the story, I’ll be like – ya, whatever. let’s play something.*

The much bigger value the book offers is: Curiosity. The animals that are sent to the kid are hidden and are shown just enough to build the excitement and also to give us a scope for a guessing game. They get completely visible only when the flap is lifted.

The illustrations are too good, bright and alluring. I tried one flap and loved what I saw. I didn’t open all of them as I want my kid to do that by himself tonight (keeps him engaged for one mealtime at least).

So does the kid get what he imagines to be his perfect pet? and what it is? You should read it with your kid if you haven’t already (I’ll know it tonight).

I loved the look, touch and feel of the book. Loved the story too. Gives a huge scope for plays around the story or to actually enact them. (as many did with hand puppets and surprise-surprise games. I’m going to try that, totally!)

Leave a comment on how you liked the book if you have read. Or on the review. Also, on any other book you suggest for babies or books in general?!

Ta-ta until next review or blog!!

*people thinking:  Thank god for ending this rant. Is this a book review or a book in itself?!*